4 Months Update

EDIT – I was in a good mood writing this, then someone stole my shoes.

The month of May started with a visit to the Land Bridge. A popular scenic site which consists of a massive cliff face and essentially – a dead end. As the end of the island and country, it’s as far as you can go without changing your means of transportation. The appeal wasn’t just in the view, but in the view point it gave me. I was reminded that I’m just on this block of land in the ocean. Across the vast openness I stared into, were my friends and family on another block. Even further were other people I know in other locations around the world, all carrying on with their individual lives. Almost half the year is up, and life goes on.

Equally humbling was a camping trip at H`aatafu. A western beach on the island which gives a picture perfect view of the sunset, as well as of the night sky. Losing count of the shooting stars I saw, watching the fire dance with the wind, and hearing nothing but the waves slowing playing drums with the shore, I remember thinking to myself “this is what I came here”

Of course, I also have objectives regarding the development of my host organisation and the country. From my original notion of ‘saving the world’, I’ve become more realistic about the challenges and circumstances I’m working with, which has allowed me to see results unfold, not just envision them. An example being in the mentality and motivation of my counterpart.

As a volunteer, I’m understandably enthusiastic and egear to work, but she is just a person with a job, bills to pay, a child to feed, and other things on her mind. Realising this, I had a private discussion with her and stated that I’m aware I’m increasing her workload, but I want her to personally see the value of what I’m doing. The result was the development of a training / certificate system, clearly defining the addition skills and responsibilities she is learning, as well as providing her with a sense of accomplishment – and evidence to request a raise or promotion which I know she wants.

Having passed the period of ‘learning the ropes’, I felt confident to meet with various radio and tv media contacts, and even put forward a proposal to the ANZ and Westpac banks. Initially worried about the lack of work and direction from my supervisor, I’ve realised I have the opportunity to identify existing gaps and create new opportunities.It is what you make of it. I’m definitely seeing the value in my assignment career wise, and am looking forward to seeing what I can accomplish.

I will remember however, there are forces out of my control, and I very well may not be able to accomplish everything I set out to. I’ve had this conversation with some volunteers who face this grim realisation when they return to the country to find their plans and initiatives not being followed.

I’ve found comfort and confidence in the words of Gordon – a previous volunteer who advised that I just “wake up each day and ask yourself what you can give”. Be it by helping someone write a resume, helping teachers use proper english to write exams, or making ID cards for the students, I’m staying optimistic and open minded, remembering it’s not just your accomplishments that count, but you’re attitude.

Socially, things are always great. I had the chance to attend cultural / religious events, an abstract art exhibition, a youth dance / drama performance, drop some freestyle raps in public cypher, and learn that this small island does hide a lot of talented and passionate people. One of the people I did enjoy the company of, was a housemate who has now left.

It is strange how this program serves as a crossroads of sorts, a transitional period where you get to meet and know people from very different walks of life, before suddenly they are gone and most likely never to cross your path again. But I know that as technology keeps me in contact with those back home, it can do the same with anyone I meet here who returns to theirs.

Speaking of which, a thanks to those who have kept in contact, even if it is the odd message now and then. If that isn’t you, well thanks either way for reading this blog post. I’m writing these for more or less, my own benefit. It would be great to look back next year and see how much I have grown and learned.

Of course, it’s also for the benefit for anyone who finds themselves in the position I was in 1 year ago – needing a job, a break, a change of scenery, and undecided about the direction I want to take in my work. There is a road less travelled, and as a good mate said in a Skype call yesterday – I’ve taken it. I’m also just as uncertain and interested as anyone else to see where it leads… Stay tuned.

Identity

 

Having a sense of identity.

These are a group of youths that know it means more than having a social media profile. Through an 8 week program founded on religion, creativity and expression, they learned to recognise their their worth, values, and direction in life.

In a culture where obedience and social hierarchies are heavily engrained, what may be considered common thought in the west, is a change facing several challenges in Tonga. Luckily, the leaders of the ICON Youth Group have the commitment and courage to take them on.

I had the chance to observe these weekly workshops take place. Being older, I was also able to share some of my own experiences, but I definitely learned more than I could contribute.

I learned that no matter where you grow up in the world,  a big city, or small country, being young is still a strenuous journey marked with many cross roads. Right turns and wrong decisions are everywhere, which is why it’s important that youth programs and other initiatives are just as widely available, and recognised for the directions they provide.

The workshops all led into a final exhibition that I also had the privilege to attend. This was the chance for the youths to preform individually and as a group, addressing the question of ‘Who Am I”.

Individually they where from different backgrounds and had different interests, but what brought them together was their desire to express themselves in a positive way. Through outlets ranging from dance, fashion, singing, rap, music, art, to drama, they provided their answers and were well applauded.

In response, the crowd was reminded that the exhibition wasn’t just for entertainment, it was to deliver a message.

What I’m taking away is the importance of pursuing positive things you’re passionate about, if not for where they will take you, then for how they make you feel. It can mean the difference between a right turn and wrong decision, something that we never get too old to make.

So here I am writing and sharing my experiences, thoughts and ambitions, because regardless if it gets read, it’s who I am.

Malo

Peanut Boy

 

It was alongside a footpath in town that I met peanut boy.  Where I was playing sports or watching cartoons at his age, still in his school uniform, he had a job selling the legumes which have warranted his nickname I’m using in this post.

As the only english he seemed to know was “peanuts” and “three dollars”, I wasn’t able to get his actual name. What I did get was the impression that he didn’t actually comprehend why his parents were eager to see the peanuts in his box replaced with  paper and silver pieces,  or why it was even his responsibility having already spent a day at school. As a child no longer than 7, I can only imagine he knew to do as he was told, especially if it earned him an applause or additional affection.

I however,understood his parents motives. The practice of consumer psychology isn’t just pervasive in the multimedia channels of the developed world, it’s also found on the streets in areas that advertisers don’t even bother to reach.  People selling from offices or the streets alike, know that the greater the sense of sympathy you can evoke in someone, the more likely it is that they will act accordingly in your favour.

Peanut boy was just like babies and puppies that I remember street beggars in Thailand would hold up to my attention as I passed. He was an instrument.

As  I withdrew $900 of cash from the ATM, I lied that I had no money but will next time, for what I believed to be his own good. I hope he understood that giving him the money that he wanted, would only ensure he would be back there again the next day, and the next, something I know he didn’t want.

That weekend, while in the supermarket queue, I noticed a sale on oreos,  and I thought that would definitely be something he personally would want. As I left the store wondering when I would next be in the area after school, I heard some footsteps following me, and there he was.

I didn’t even get a thank you, and he didn’t get they money he expected. We went our separate ways, but  shared an understanding that, what you want, isn’t always what you need.

 

 

2 months

 

Its been 2 months since I’ve had a can of tuna. Perhaps the triviality of this detail is worth reconsideration after I assert that had I still been at home, I would have consumed no less than 120 tins over the same period. With hopefully less ‘ass’,  I can assure everyone, the dolphins and sea cucumbers aren’t the only ones benefiting from my departure.

I’ve changed. Growing up? Well, I’ve just let pictures of myself half clothed and covered in ice cream, loose on the internet. I’m not expecting to go Kim Kardasian viral, but rather like her chances of being elected the president of the National Girls Scouts Association, I just know I’m not getting them back (that’s  a lot of ass in that sentence).

As evident from the completion of the book that is accompanying the mentioned photos, I’ll just say that I’m definitely ‘growing’. Behind my piece of work that possibly makes no sense, is a newly polished set of skills and abilities that turned a concept into reality. The saying that, “It’s not what you get from reaching your goals, it’s what you become”, suddenly has application in my life. Regardless if it leads where I want it to, I already have reasons to be proud of my accomplishment.

I also got to better understand the concept of the creative process. Artists and authors alike, have described it to be an almost out of body, possessive, and even spiritual process. It may have been the fact that I was forgetting to eat, and refusing myself the right to sleep or take breaks, but while typing through the night, I often felt a slight sense of detachment, as if a witness to what was unfolding. It could have just been sleep deprivation, but at least the mosquitoes joyfully draining my blood can vouch I was definitely to some degree, ‘somewhere else’.

Now, proving that I did in fact leave my room, are some other updates on my experience.

My tropical island fantasy has encountered an altercation with the reality of the ‘rain season’. Add in the noisy neighbours, church bells, roosters, dogs, and the mosquitoes, and it’s easy to make an island out of a molehill. My rescue was a revised mindset, courtesy of the advice that, ” not everything happens to you, somethings just happen”. Definitely true.

Regardless where you go in the world, its remarkably easy to get stuck in the mindset that you are still the centre of it, forgetting it doesn’t revolve around you, it revolves even without you. Sometimes you just gota dealwithit.jpg, through being both proactive, patient and practical as the situation requires.

The piece of foam blocking the gap under my door, labeled in felt pen, “Anti-Cockroach Defence System” isn’t my only accomplishment.  Challenges in lifestyle, culture, and also work, have equally facilitated my development of these characteristics.

Having been introduced to my workplace, colleagues, residence, and social circle, my goal for this month was to fit in and form a routine. Now spraying myself with a combination of insect repellent and deodorant, reading at  wharf, playing jenga with students at lunch, and cake and ice cream catch ups at Lynda’s Cafe on the weekend, are all part of a normal week.

I’m mostly happy I’ve got to integrate with the community more. I’ve joined a youth group, dance group, and even hang out with a group of artists who spend their nights drawing and listening to heavy metal in their clubhouse. They’ve given me the nickname of “Groupie” which is what my last name translates to in Tongan. Given that other volunteers ended up with “Naked” and “Mentally Stupid”,  I’m rather grateful.

Through my integration into the community, the culture shock I originally experienced has started to subside. In addition to the natural process of habituation, as the influence of the west becomes more apparent,  i’m starting to feel more at home. However, with these western ideals and ambitions, the country’s youth are clearly at a crossroads with the directions that the older and more traditional generations are providing.  My conversations with other volunteers who have traveled indicate that it’s a common situation all around the world.

Despite the size and location of their island, far from isolated, Tongans definitely have a keen interest in these situations and the rest of the world. There are even more Tongans living outside of the country than in it! This statistic is open to interpretation, but i’ve arrived at the belief that ‘it is what it is’. I’m also proud to be working in the education sector, helping more people in the country have access to these opportunities. Due to difficulties in finding work in Australia, I sought opportunities outside my home country, so I’m nothing but understanding of anyone who shares a similar mentality.

Speaking of shared mentalities, under the obvious differences in religious beliefs, family dynamics, and social structures, I’ve discovered that as humans, everyone just wants to fit in, be a part of something bigger than themselves, and give and receive love. Sounds simple, but it’s  certainly more complicated where I’m from. Perhaps a conversation for another time.

As for now, I’m off to bed. I’d like to also say thanks for reading. Another discovery I’ve made, is that no matter where you go and who you meet, you can’t replace where you’re from and who you know.

But just saying, if you don’t read my book, you’ll be replaced — > http://eepurl.com/RxP5f

Goodnight

Three to say thanks to

My travels have given me the chance to meet many people, but there are just three that I’m going to talk about, and say thanks to. Christine, Gordon, and Sonia.

Firstly, Christine. She may be be blind, but her perspective on life is truly inspirational, and definitely worth sharing.

Her positivity and dedication has allowed her to make several admirable accomplishments so far, from starting university at sixteen, to spending a year volunteering in Fiji, and recently commencing another year in Tonga.

As the first blind person I had the chance to properly meet, I had already taken the opportunity to ask all sorts of questions which she was happy to answer. Then when the opportunity came up to be a guest speaker at the school where I’m volunteering, she was even more enthusiastic to share what she had learned on her journey so far.

In addition to explaining braille, the written language she uses, and how certain technology such as text to speech computer programs and screen-less laptops work, Christine spoke about opportunities.  She didn’t seek any sympathy for the opportunities she hasn’t had, such as seeing her parents or the sunrise, but rather expressed thanks for the opportunities she has been given.

These were through her family, teachers, friends, employers, and the organisation I was also involved in. The main message that I , and hopefully the students, took away was that, as much as there is in life that is out of our control, the biggest factor on the quality of our lives is our outlook and willingness to make the most of the chances we are given.

Using her youth as a relatable reference, she stated with a smirk, she had a specialist teacher willing to spend one on one time with her every week, but of course, the teacher couldn’t force her to learn. It was Christine’s decision, as it is mine to write this post to inspire others as I have been, to make similar decisions in my life.

Now to Gordon and Sonia. Gordon was appointed as a Cookery Trainer, and his wife Sonia accompanied him by also volunteering at the school. Time that otherwise could have been spent collecting coconuts and basking by the beach.

Leaving Tonga in two days, I haven’t bothered with the specifics of their flight because I suspect the only way to return to the place of which they came is by putting on a halo and spreading their wings.

True angels, or at the least, two people with abnormally sized hearts.

In the year they have been here, they have gone above and beyond the role of volunteers to give, give, give and give. They set up computers, bought fridges, mentored many students in extra activities, and the list goes on. Arriving with over 100kg of luggage and leaving with 8, they only thing they wanted to take back were memories.

As the students wished them farewell today, I had a chance to see how being in a position of privilege allows one to truly change a school, a community, even a  country, for the better. I also saw how appreciated it is, and with culture, community, music, laughter, love, their richness in other areas, makes them more than capable of giving back.

The First Month

The threat of a passing cyclone proves that it’s not always a topical paradise, but one month has passed here in Tonga.

It’s gone quick, but it hasn’t gone easy, so I applaud myself for adjusting. As the truth is, within a few days I was questioning what I was doing here . I quickly found my answers in earlier blog and journal entires. Three months ago I had  written,

” I want to let go of my comforts and all that defines me. Journey to the other side of the mountain, to in the darkness, see my home under the light that reveals all its really worth”

Since being here I’ve found even more answers. It’s an unfortunate reality but parts of the world don’t have anywhere near the same opportunities and resources Australia has. They need as much help as they can get, and that’s what I’m here to do.  Applying for the program, I was aware of the need, but it was only upon arriving, did a sentence to read on my job description become a reality to experience.

Starting work increased the intensity of the experience. It’s difficult to believe that in this day and age, a college is just only getting connected to the Internet and still relying on blackboards and chalk. It was difficult at first, until I changed my focus from what needs to be done, to what I could do. In my workplace and beyond in the community, I had to come to terms with the fact I am just one person. Sure, full of high hopes having signed up to the program and wanting to change the world, but I’m still only one person.

I started to understand the concepts of capacity building and sustainable development, and how the actions of individuals collectively make an impact overtime. I’ve met many other volunteers from other countries and learned that the desire to make the world a better place is universally understood without translation.

As much as I’m here to give, I’m realising how much there is to also personally gain. At first I felt a sense of pity for all the ‘things’  they didn’t have here. Then I realised I’m surround by music, community, culture, connection, family, nature, love and laughter. Sure, they move at a slower pace, but it gives them more time to smile which seems to be something that back home, people can’t find the time to do. Even with my ‘things’, I don’t smile as much as I should, so maybe I’m the one that should be pitied.

It’s true I miss certain people and activities, but you only know what you got when its gone. Or in my case, temporarily gone. So I’m glad I’m getting this perspective and insight at an early age so upon returning, I’ll be able to hopefully live life as a more grateful person. I see how the life we live is in a certain paradox. The more we develop, the more we demand. But that’s a post for another time.

There is no bridge,I spend time by the wharf and water. In the afternoon I’m surrounded by children, teenagers and the sound of laughter with no iPads in sight.  I question what happiness really is and gaze off into the endless stretching ocean, occasionally thinking about the people it’s separating me from, and if I’ll return the same person. At night I stare at the sky, introducing myself to stars I have never seen before. In just one month, being here has already shown me there is so much more to see in the night sky, and even more in life.

The Teacher Life Is

 

“Please do not make Tonga a means to an end, a sentence of sorts until its all over with and you can return to your homeland. Australia felt like a prison before and now it seems like a comfortable prison you want to go back too. Enjoy Tonga , its people for as “under privileged” as it may seem. It is now your teacher, a life teacher. Australia is now more beautiful than ever. Tonga has shown you this. Give thanks and gratitude for all new perceptions. “

A message from my older brother in of sorts from Hawaii. Jay’s advice rang true. Stronger than the church bells which woke me at 4.30 am, adding to the list of reasons of why I was wishing I was still at home.

Hearing the term ‘life  teacher’ invited me to reflect on the periods in my life where I actually had teachers, and how the different types would change how lessons were learnt, if at all.

I was terrible student at times but an excellent clown, unable to resist distractions, or becoming one myself. The times where I learned the most, and reformed my act, was due to the  strictness and discipline of certain teachers. If I felt the consequences were real, then so would be my response.

Thus, this is the teacher life has become. Watching me journey from primary to university education, it has had the time to prepare a curriculum destined to lead me over the rift in one’s development that the end of scheduled education creates, and towards my full potential.

The destain I once expressed towards my teachers eventually turned to gratitude as the value of their lessons was realised.  However, as an older student off ‘life’,  certain expectations are a prerequisite of the class. Specifically an appreciation of any discomfort and challenge that is realistically within my capabilities to overcome. These circumstances are reflective of a well devised lesson and an even accomplished teacher.

For some life is too easy, or too hard. Both prevent what is referred to as the only progress that counts. That of the  internal, our self-esteem. The acceptance, confidence and understanding in one’s abilities. Without it, even if your external progress is a high paying job or  a celebrity lifestyle, it’s almost impossible to be satisfied and happy.

So here I am, thankful. Thankful for the perception on my life back home that the harsh contrasts has given me. Thankful that while working in a unfamiliar market may prove challenging, I have an excellent support network to provide me with resources and confidence.

Thankful for all the challenges I’ve overcome in the past, and the lessons I’ve learned from them. Also of course,  thankful for the lessons I know I’m going to learn.

 

 

 

 

The Rain & Shine of Week 1

It’s been one week since I’ve been overseas and I’ve seen fluctuations in my environment, and experienced them in myself.

A combination of brighter and darker, warmer and colder moments. Any experience that we go through, better or worse, can be leveraged into a position of insight if we pay due attention to how we are experiencing the situation, as well as the situation itself.

An  example being the afternoon heat. Where I feel lethargic and uncomfortable, others here feel quite lucky to have such pleasant weather as they go about their day. I could draw from this that it is simply too hot, or perhaps acknowledge I have a poor tolerance towards heat and don’t take adequate steps to keep myself hydrated.

Better examples include;

On a tightly run schedule with limited alone time, I’ve got to see how I can get frustrated and impatient at times. Growing up in such a privilege country, I’ve got to see how unknowingly accustomed I have become to certain benefits such as hot showers and types of food. Certain routines such as my fitness, medtiation, time spent with certain types of people, have become a tight clutch, limiting my ability to adjust and survive without those comforts and conditions.

I’ve learned that when faced with an unknown territory, it’s almost a natural instinct for me to advance slowly ,if not run completely. If it’s a unknown task , then I may doubt my ability and anticipate my failure before trying.

Previously aware, these were a few of the issues I wanted to address by taking this journey and plunge in the first place.

Being amongst those who are already here has also been immensely beneficial.

Their passion exhibited by overcoming their own obstacles and working towards the task at hand  has taught me how to shine brighter. Even if it is raining, I’m learning to see past the clouds.

Simply, yet beautifully said by another volunteer tonight “Embrace the change and the chance to be out of your comfort zone while it lasts”

 

Into The Wild

Into the wild. Against the stream. The road less taken. No matter what I refer to my decision to venture overseas as, it can’t be made any less mind opening, challenging and life changing.

I recall the times I sat in my office looking outside at the sun. Feeling the agitation in my restlessness. Wishing my day allowed more time for nature.

I recall the times I would feel under appreciated for how hard I was trying. Early mornings, late nights, the contribution of ideas were often unnoticed.

I recall the times that what I did accomplish at my job, wasn’t anything I felt proud to tell others about. From early childhood I had a fascination with heroes. As I grew older I learned you don’t need a cape or physical strength to make that difference.

I recall the times I consoled myself by remembering that there are others worse off than me. This made me feel obligated to do something where I could, and when I did, I enjoyed it. From working with youth organisations and at a hospital.

I recall the times, even with the things I had, my life had felt like it was taking place in a snow globe, without the snow.

Growing up in the same area for my whole life, although a place of enormous privilege in contrast to where I am now, in ways, such as through the lack of variety, it was becoming a prison.

Largely inspired by buddhism, I always appreciated Buddha’s decisions to live a life void the pleasures he once knew and took for granted. Having both parents come from less developed countries, as much as I was told that I have a good life, I never understood life being any different given I was born into a country privilege such as Australia.

Similarly inspiring was  Christopher Mc Candles and the movie/book Into  The Wild which details his decision to escape modern / routine life and live amongst nature.

I don’t claim to be saint, I love the indulge, but I also have an interest in personal and spiritual development. For this reason I could relate to the decision made by both Mc Candles and Buddha and often fantasised about ‘escaping’.

It may just be part of the human condition, but even with a daily practice which involved expressing gratitude through my writing, I still felt like I was sleep walking at times. Going through life on auto pilot, missing the beauty in the everyday and everything.

With the diverse and ‘out there’ personality I had, my working life was also rather bland in comparision.  Being unemployed, running out of funds, I was also running out of options. The burden on my shoulder to be ‘successful’ was gaining weight and I was losing sleep. It was a rough period of my life.

On my last birthday in October , almost handed by fate, I was given the opportunity to take a role in Tonga through a Government funded program.  There certainly was a debate wether to accept the position, but quoting the last words I said to my mother before leaving, I knew in more ways than one, “this will be good for me”.

I was familiar with the saying “there is no growth in your comfort zone, and no comfort in your growth zone”.

So here I am, uncomfortable. Very. The mattress is sinking as I sleep, the showers provide no more than single drops of water at a time. The food is heavily starch based, processed and fried. Making the 50% obesity rate expected, but still extremely saddening to see.The sun burns and the insects bite. Time seems to be moving at a frustratingly slow pace, and the condition of standard infrastructure and facilities is a reminder of what a developing country is.

But in contrast to someone who has known these conditions all their life as home and feels rather happy in them. I’m already feeling the change.

I’m already gaining an appreciation of what I do have back home. What and who is the most important to me.  I also feel without my environment, I’ll find out which aspects of my character and personality are internally based rather than dependent of where I am, what I have, or who I am with.

I feel my mind opening to accept other cultures and ways of life. The youth I know back home have iPads and Facebook accounts. Here I’ve met kids who are happy spending their leisure time doing flips off jetties. Families don’t work overtime, they spend time how they wish, because that’s how life is. Having grown up in a large city, I don’t think I’ll ever lose my ‘rat race’ and growth orientated mentality, but I hope to loosen up and remodel my concept of ‘happiness’.

Lastly, I sought to put my name onto something I could not only be proud of, but that would open career opportunities for me based around positive contributions and social / developmental change.

This blog has allowed me to take that responsibility on in my personal life, but work wise, there is an educational organisation here that has asked for someone with my skill-set, so I will do my best to improve their capacity and contribute.

The pacific islands are known as holiday locations, and i’ll certainly get the escape from my familiar town and regular routine.  However, beyond the blue sky and beach, lies a series of challenges. Making new friends, new hobbies, new foods, learning a new language, new customs, basically living a new life without the support of friends and family which I honestly feel I’ve leant on too much at times.

The strength of a species is found in its ability to adapt so that is what I’ll have to do, and find out how strong I am in the process.

In a Place of Wonder

“You don’t know what pain is”

A bit of truth given to the main protagonist in the movie Fight Club by his doctor as he pleads his case for a prescription for sleeping tablets. If are you not familiar with the rest of the story then you’re not only missing out the cult classic, but also probably wondering where exactly this entry is leading. Well, avoiding any spoilers, the main character gets an awakening and new found perspective on this own ‘struggles’ after attending a support group for men battling testicular cancer.

My motives for volunteering at a children’s hospital however, are based on the benefits that I know the children and the hospital will derive from my presence and commitment. Of course just like every event takes place like a drop of rain, the proceeding outcomes will be numerous, split, unpredictable and transpire in a similar fashion.

The ‘splash effect’ of my decision to volunteer was this new perspective I acquired. I’m human, I complain and speak proudly of the strength and triumphs, even when I am responsible for leading myself down the path of most resistance, or designing the very obstacle I face. Then I met these kids. Kids who should be enjoying life carelessly, but are instead fighting for their lives and health in situations that are often the result of ‘bad luck’. Kids who have a future that is closer to the darker side of uncertainty than I’ve ever been with my good health but long term unemployment. Kids who know the meaning of living in the moment, better than three years of meditation practice has given me. Kids who just smile for today and because now, when they are in this room of fun and wonder.

I’ve learned how to find another means of fulfillment  while I’m here, and most importantly learned that physical strength my be reflected by size, but the strength of one’s spirit is most definitely not.